The Language of Love
Many many years ago, I read a book called The Five Love Languages. The idea is that we often speak our own love language to other people instead of figuring out what THEIR love language is and speaking THAT one to them. The languages inlcude: receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time. So if someones love language is quality time, the best way to show them love is to spend some time with them. If it is acts of service, it is to do little somethings for them. I mentioned this book to a friend recently and that got me thinking about my kiddos. The original book was written mostly for romantic couple type relationships but I know there is a kid version out now although I haven’t read it. I imagine that it is about the same, maybe with different ways of expressing the languages.
So I gave it a little thought and I am pretty sure I know which language each of our children speak. Of course, they are ALL DIFFERENT, for petes sake. LOL Sometimes your language changes too. For example, mine used to be gifts. When someone gave me a little something, it spoke love to me. But now a days, its definitely acts of service…ie: HELP ME PLEASE. LOL Anyhow, its so handy to know because even though mine is now acts of service, there is still a bit of the gift one left in me and I think that is how I often felt most loved as a child (my dad would bring a little something back from a business trip, etc) and so my tendency is to want to do that for my kids. Turns out that gifts do not speak love to any of our children. Now I dont think I have ever gone overboard with the gift thing, just a little something here and there, so this is not a hard change to make, but I think it was worth it to give some thought to what DOES speak love to each of them.
Sophie is a quality time girl. She LOVES to have my full attention. She loves to be the one and only to get to run an errand with either Rick or I. She begs to work on school work, learning to read, etc, because it’s just she and I then.
Levi is all about words of affirmation! He loves to be told great job, hong hao (good job in Chinese 
), way to go, etc. If I say, Levi it’s nice manners to chew with your mouth closed, he DOES it and LOVES for me to notice and compliment him on his nice manners. This boy aims to please. Give Levi a compliment and he glows.
Bella is a physical touch girl. She loves to be snuggled, hugged, squished and kissed a million times. Although she is my wild little child and seems to be go go go, she will settle in and snuggle longer than anyone. She needs this every day or she gets out of sorts.
Mostly, they make their needs obvious and I realize that I have been meeting them. But now that I have pinpointed these areas, I am going to do better about spending time with Sophie, praising Levi and snuggling with Bella Boo.
Juliette
This is so interesting and true. I should read this book too. It is for sure the same language of love for me than for you lol
As for Maëlle I think she is like Sophie. She loves when I go on field trips with her class and spend some mornings there. Same when we do crafts together or when Alex goes to the swimming pool with her.
Have a wonderful weekend, full of signs of love to each others.
mandy
What a great reminder! I actually did my speech on this book for a public speaking class. I knew it inside and out, you would think I would learn from it an really try to incorporate it. Again, great reminder. My personal languages seem to change every time someone speaks it! I seem to appreciate different things from different people, my dad was a little gifter too…meant a lot to me. My mom did it so infrequently-it almost meant more when she did than when my dad did it because he was much more generous with it. NOW my mom bombards us with gifts and I think in turn it is because she appreciates them so much..I hope so anyway, or I’m shopping for nothing!
Thanks for the long, long explanation of the grocery coupon site, I really do intend on using it as soon as Sunday rolls around and I get around to getting a paper! Thank you SO much, it was so detailed and thoughtful-that’s my language!
Patricia/NYC
What a great, insightful post! This theory makes so much sense! Kiara is definitely the quality time girl & so not a “gift girl”…I’m going to check out the kid’s version of this book.
Great photos of the kids too!!
Dawn
What a great idea. It’s so easy to get caught up trying to do the same things with all the kids that I get caught up in the group mentality instead of individuals. My kids are all so different (like all kids) that I really need to do what you suggest. What great information. Thanks.
Lavonne
We have read that book so many times and funny with my old boyfriend the language was differant than with Scott. Doing Love and Logic right now, but your post prompts me to look at my kids and do this with them too….
The men usually fall into the affirmation pile LOL
I am also the service girl – hey with all our kids what do you expect
Things are improving with Taylor….a little less whinning but still the copying LOL
AZMOM
I do have the kid’s version of this book. If you want to borrow it, let me know and I’ll put it in the mail to you!
My LL is quality time as is Bug’s. Busy Boy is words of affirmation and touch. DH’s is acts of service. It’s an amazing way of looking at relationships!
Barbie
We must have read the same book! I often try to think of others love languages but THANK YOU for the reminder to act on them…
maia
I really like that concept and it’s very true. I never thought of it “in so many words”, but it’s an essential part of getting to know someone. Beautifully thought-out.
Ramona
I am going to have to get a copy of that book! I think I have my kiddos figured out (both are personal time with a little bit of the snuggler thrown in) but I’m going to have to think a little harder about Mike. This sounds like such a great idea!
mommy24treasures
I am going to think on this… thank you for posting it. Like you said, although you know basically what each child’s dif needs are there is something about writing it down that helps you to be sure and give special attention in that area. Thanks!